it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
