New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
