You're so nebulous sometimes
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize