honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
