Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
