id be glad to
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
