i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize