How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
