u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
