My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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