I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
COCAINE IS GR8
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize