dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He shit in the fireplace
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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