you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
