I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
