Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
