Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
