I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
