When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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