His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
