wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
