Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
