playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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