It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
This house was built for laser tag.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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