Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home