i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.