I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend