I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Duck Duck Cougar?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
