So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
