Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
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It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
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You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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