you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
