If i come over, it means nothing
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
