Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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