We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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