She said her name was "party"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
