my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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