They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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