every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We had sex on a dog bed..
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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