Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
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I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
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In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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