Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
