you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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