There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
