So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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