I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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