oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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