i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just gargled with NyQuil
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize