Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
