we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
