i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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