I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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