If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
