I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
