Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
