Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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