I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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