Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
