its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
