You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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