Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
