my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
