I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
