Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My vagina just clenched in fear
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
