I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
