I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I will die if light touches me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
